I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize
