its not stalking. its research.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
