my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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