Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
