what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
