I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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