why didn't you poke me back
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Randomize
