Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
