Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
