would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
