ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
