worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
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