I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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