spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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