So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I think we might need a safe word for this...
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
