I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
