I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
