There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
