Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
