i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
