the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
