so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
