Can i not drive my cunt home
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
