i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
