We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
