Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
