Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
