No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
