It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
