U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
