Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
