What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
