I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
