I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
