We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
you didnt know i had herpes?
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
