to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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