I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
