Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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