i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
