so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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