there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
