I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
