I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
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