Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
