hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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