Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Randomize
