I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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