I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
