I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
