It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Randomize
